The Doorbell Dilemma: Friend or Foe?
A Dog’s Internal Struggle—Do I Bark Like a Maniac or Greet the Mysterious Visitor with Wagging Excitement?
It happens every time.
I’m lounging peacefully, possibly dreaming about chasing rabbits or finally getting into the trash can, when suddenly—
DING DONG.
My entire body jolts into action. Heart pounding. Ears up. Tail stiff. Adrenaline coursing through my veins.
Someone is at the door.
But who? What do they want? Are they a friend bringing treats or an enemy plotting against my household?
This is the doorbell dilemma—the greatest struggle of every dog’s life.
Do I bark? Do I run? Do I hide? Do I greet them with unbridled joy or warn them with my fiercest growls?
I may never know the right answer.
Step 1: Initial Shock and Panic Mode
The moment that doorbell rings, every dog instinct in my body screams at me to react. My human, on the other hand, barely moves. They continue sitting there, completely unfazed, as if a possible home invasion isn’t happening right now.
Do they not understand the severity of the situation?!
I do what any responsible guardian of the household would do—I bark. Loudly. Repeatedly. For maximum effect.
And what does my human do?
“Calm down! It’s just the delivery guy.”
Oh, just the delivery guy?
How do we know that for sure?! What if he’s actually a burglar in disguise? Or worse—a cat person?
I must keep barking. The safety of the house depends on it.
Step 2: The Great Internal Debate
Now, as I continue barking like an absolute lunatic, something inside me shifts.
What if—just what if—this person is actually someone I like?
A friend? A grandparent? The pizza delivery person?
What if they have treats?
This is where my struggle begins.
I want to keep barking—because, let’s be honest, barking is fun—but at the same time, I don’t want to scare away potential pets, treats, and belly rubs.
It’s an impossible decision.
Step 3: Assessing the Situation
As I wrestle with my emotions, my human casually walks to the door (again, showing a dangerous level of recklessness).
This is my chance to gather intelligence. I sprint to the window, stand on my back legs, and assess the situation.
🔍 Are they wearing a uniform?
Uniforms are suspicious. They make people look official, and official people rarely bring treats.
🔍 Are they carrying a package?
If yes, we must retrieve it immediately. There could be something edible inside.
🔍 Are they reaching for the doorknob?
Red alert! No unauthorized human should ever touch our sacred door without permission. More barking is required.
🔍 Do they smell familiar?
If they smell like my human’s friends, I might reconsider my barking strategy. If they smell like another dog—well, let’s just say I have some serious questions.
Step 4: The Decision—Bark or Welcome?
Now comes the hardest part.
If the visitor is a stranger, I continue my aggressive defense strategy. This includes:
✔️ Barking at maximum volume
✔️ Running in circles for added intimidation
✔️ Standing on my human’s feet so they don’t forget I’m on high alert
If the visitor is a friend, I immediately switch gears and begin:
✔️ Jumping with excitement
✔️ Bringing them my most prized toy
✔️ Wagging my tail so fast I nearly take flight
The transition from attack mode to love mode happens in a split second. This can be confusing for my human, but it makes perfect sense to me.
Step 5: The Aftermath
The visitor has either:
1️⃣ Entered the house safely, proving they were friendly all along. In this case, I demand attention, pets, and possibly snacks.
2️⃣ Left a package and disappeared, which is incredibly frustrating. Who rings the doorbell and doesn’t stay for cuddles?!
3️⃣ Gone away forever, meaning I successfully defended my home. Victory is mine.
Either way, I shake off the adrenaline, spin in a circle three times, and return to my nap.
That is, until it happens again.
DING DONG.
Final Thoughts: The Eternal Mystery of the Doorbell
I may never fully understand the true purpose of the doorbell.
It could signal danger.
It could announce the arrival of friends.
It could be a test of my reflexes and decision-making skills.
All I know is that when it rings, I must react.
Humans may call it overreacting, but I call it being a responsible household guardian.
And so, I will continue my sacred duty of responding to every ding-dong with the enthusiasm and intensity it deserves.
Because you never know—one of these days, it just might be someone with bacon.
