As soon as the sun sets, my humans seem to think it’s time to settle down and get all cozy. But for me, the night is just getting started. Who’s decided that bedtime means I need to stop playing, stop investigating, and stop living my best life? Let’s dive into the great mystery of the bedtime ritual and why my humans think I should be sleepy when, in fact, I’m just getting started.

1. WHY DO THEY THINK I NEED A BEDTIME?

I’m perfectly capable of deciding when I’m tired. I’m a dog, not a child. Why do my humans act like they know when I’m ready to sleep? Sure, I’m snuggling up on the couch after a long day of sniffing and playing, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to nap for the next eight hours. The minute they say, “bedtime,” I get a little suspicious.

If I was truly tired, I’d just curl up and doze off. But no, I need to keep the humans on their toes. It’s called being awake—it’s important work.

2. WHY DO THEY INSIST ON A BATH BEFORE BED?

Here’s the thing: I’ve already had a long day of sniffing, rolling in dirt, and possibly even stepping in something questionable (hey, it’s part of the job). But when bedtime approaches, what do they do? They drag me to the bathtub for a “quick wash.” Quick? There’s no such thing as a “quick wash” in my world. I’ve just perfected the art of rolling in mud, and now they want me to lose my signature scent?

Let’s face it: I know they’re just trying to make me smell fresh so I can cuddle with them, but I don’t need a bath every single night. It’s an interruption to my bedtime plans. I don’t recall signing up for nightly spa treatments.

3. WHY DO THEY INSIST ON TURNING OFF THE LIGHTS?

I’ll admit, I enjoy a cozy environment, but every night they turn off the lights like it’s some sort of magic spell. Poof, no more light, no more fun. But you know what that means? Total darkness. How am I supposed to keep watch over the house if I can’t see anything? What if a squirrel sneaks by the window and I can’t bark it away?

I’m still awake, looking out for any potential snack deliveries (or, you know, intruders) while my humans snooze. The lights need to stay on, so I can carry out my crucial night patrol duties.

4. WHY DO THEY THINK I’M A FAN OF THE BED?

Every night, they invite me to their bed like it’s some big reward. “Come on up, buddy!” they say, with those excited faces like I’m going to love it. But do they ever stop to consider that I have my own perfectly good spot on the couch or in my bed? Sure, their bed is big, but why do they insist I share it with them?

When I try to get comfortable, there’s always one of them trying to cuddle or, worse yet, steal my space! If anything, I’m the one who should be the bed’s centerpiece. It’s my turn to sleep where I want, without being kicked out by human limbs.

5. WHY IS THERE SO MUCH CUDDLING?

Alright, I’ll admit it: I like a good cuddle. But there’s a limit. It’s called “personal space,” humans. I don’t need you to invade my space every time I lie down. Let’s not forget that I’ve had a full day of belly rubs and playtime, and now it’s time to unwind alone.

It’s like they think I need a nightly cuddle to wind down. Trust me, I know how to unwind. A good chew on my favorite toy and some time on the couch, and I’m golden.

6. WHY DO THEY EXPECT ME TO STAY STILL?

My humans always tell me to “settle down” or “lie still,” but do they understand that sleep is a process? A dog’s bedtime isn’t like a human’s. I can’t just lay down and fall asleep immediately. There’s a little rolling around, a few scratches behind the ear, and probably some time spent reorganizing the blankets (you never know when that perfect spot will appear). I’m working on getting comfortable.

I’m not ignoring their request, I’m just busy finding the best position to sleep in.

7. WHY DO THEY WANT TO PUT THE “BEDTIME” MUSIC ON?

Every night, there’s this soft, soothing music that fills the room as soon as my humans think it’s time for bed. It’s like they’re trying to trick me into thinking it’s time to go to sleep. Honestly, it’s just weird. The piano, the nature sounds—none of it is my jam. I’d much rather listen to the sounds of crinkly paper or the rustling of a treat bag. That’s the music of my dreams.

Do they not understand? I’m not a fan of spa music. I want to hear the world around me!

8. WHY CAN’T I JUST STAY UP LATE?

It’s my time to be awake, and I think my humans need to accept that. Who says the dog can’t have a late-night snack, or go on a little adventure around the house after dark? They get to stay up late watching TV; why can’t I?

Every time I get up for a midnight snack or a bathroom break, I get the “shh, go back to bed” signal. But who’s in charge here? I need to be able to roam freely when I want to.

9. WHY DO THEY THINK I’LL JUST FALL ASLEEP?

I may not always sleep right away, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying. Sometimes I just need to check on things, rearrange my pillows, or keep an eye on the front door. But my humans, bless them, seem to think that once I lay down, I should instantly be in dreamland. Can’t they see I’m on a mission? I’m still working.

10. THE FINAL WORD

As much as I love my humans, their bedtime rituals are a mystery to me. I’ll never quite understand why they think I should sleep at certain times, or why they insist on cuddling me every night. But one thing is for sure: no matter how often they try to change my bedtime routine, I’ll always find a way to make it my own.

So, until next time, I’ll keep my eyes open, guarding the house against intruders, and making sure I get my fair share of late-night fun! Who needs sleep anyway?